Rebuilding
by DarkandtwistyGirl
Summary: Sequel to One of Their Own. Meredith has awoken from her coma, but is she alright? And will their baby survive?
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, or the characters thereof. This is just for fun.**_

_**Hi everyone, hear is the promised sequel to One of Their Own. Please let me know what you think.**_

**_Enjoy!_**

* * *

**Chapter 1**

**Previously:** "Mere, Zola's here to see you," Derek said, hoping that Meredith could hear him.

Then, as if by a miracle Meredith's eyelids fluttered open, her gaze slowly moved around the room, unfocused.

"Mere? Meredith, can you hear me?"

* * *

**Now**

Six weeks had passed since Meredith had first awoken from her comatose state, and now she was undergoing intensive physical rehabilitation to regain her strength. That said, she could do little more than shift her hand.

Consulting neurosurgeon, Meredith's sister-in-law, Amelia Shepherd had rushed to Seattle to assess Meredith when she had first regained consciousness, and although it was more than she had expected for Meredith to have regained consciousness, it was clear that Meredith had a long road ahead of her.

Most troubling to Amelia was Meredith's cognitive deficits and severe anterograde and retrograde amnesia; her long term memory was limited to up until two days before the ambulance accident, and her short term memory only allowed her to remember what had happened in the past five minutes.

In many ways Derek now had three children to take care of, Zola, their adopted daughter, Clarissa, their daughter born six weeks ago, and Meredith. There seemed little hope that Derek would ever truly get back the woman he loved, that woman was gone.

Since their daughter, Clarissa Amy Shepherd was born Derek had been forced to end his constant vigil over Meredith, but that did not mean that he did not spend as much time as possible with her.

* * *

Derek balanced Zola on his hip, as he pushed the pram into Meredith's room; as had become normal, he was greeted warmly by Meredith, before her expression turned to one of confusion as she took in the sight of the two children that Derek had with him.

"Meredith, remember you were in an accident, you have some memory loss. I know that this doesn't make sense to you Mere, but we were granted custody of Zola, and you gave birth to Clarissa six weeks ago," Derek knew this sad statement all too well, he said it with some variation dozens of times every day. "How are you today?"

Without fail, Meredith would then insist on holding Zola, or rather having Zola sit with her on the bed as Derek stood close by, but she wouldn't hold her own daughter, disbelieving that she really was theirs. It broke Derek's heart.

* * *

In truth they had not even been able to truly share the moment as their baby girl was born, a moment that Meredith would never remember.

They had been planning to try a natural childbirth, but when Meredith woke up it became a much more complex decision. It was decided that they could no longer only do what was in the baby's best interests, as now there was hope for Meredith's recovery, so it was decided that a natural childbirth posed too great of a risk of causing further brain injury in their now conscious patient.

So instead Derek and Meredith were taken into the operating room two days after Meredith woke up, and Derek tried to calm his frightened wife as Addison delivered Clarissa by caesarean section.

That first moment when Derek had seen his baby girl for the very first time had been the most amazing experience, he felt overwhelmed with joy. Then he looked to Meredith, and his eyes met her expression of panic and confusion, and the moment was gone.

* * *

Derek had little choice other than to accept his new role as an essentially single father of two young girls. Of course he had the support of his colleagues and his mother, Carolyn who had flown out soon after Clarissa was born, but the one person he truly want by his side as their daughters grew up was gone.

Now Derek's day started early in the morning to Clarissa or Zola crying, often both. He would get up, and soon after he would carry both girls out to the lounge room, so that he could organize their breakfast, and get them ready to go to childcare.

And with every day that passed Derek felt himself getting used to the routine, but at the same time he grew more fatigued. He didn't want to get out of bed.

He loved his children, this could not be mistaken, but when it came to caring for Clarissa and Zola it was all that Derek could do to cater for their essential needs. At times it felt almost as though he had died inside.

Maybe he had.

* * *

The staff at Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital also noticed a change in Derek.

Each day as Derek would bring the girls into the hospital to drop them at the crèche before starting work, it was clear to everyone around that he was not coping. Meredith's accident, and the act of raising their two children without her was just too great of a burden to bear.

Maybe that's why Derek did what he did.

It wasn't difficult at all for Derek to slip unnoticed into the dispensary, and take out large quantities of morphine, succinylcholine, and potassium.

Derek felt trapped, and this was his way out.

Seldom had Derek used his office, but somehow it seemed like a fitting place to end his life, the life that he had been building with Meredith. Derek carefully placed the papers giving custody of his daughters to his mother, alongside a brief note.

Then Derek was ready.

It took Derek several attempts to place a cannula in his hand. He then drew up lethal doses of each drug, and lined them up in front of him on his desk. First he injected the morphine, he felt it start to take effect very quickly, his breathing became shallow.

It had started.

He knew that he needed to work quickly now, once he'd injected the paralytic he would have maybe ten seconds to inject the potassium that would stop his heart. Derek kept going, but all too quickly he felt himself slipping away, and then he knew no more.

* * *

_**TBC...**_

_**Okay, so do you like the direction this fic is taking? Any suggestions?**_

_**Thanks for reading! Please take a moment to drop me a review.**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, or the characters thereof. This is just for fun.**_

_**Hi everyone, hear is the promised sequel to One of Their Own. Please let me know what you think.**_

**_Enjoy!_**

* * *

**Chapter 2**

Mark Sloan had just finished up a run of the mill rhinoplasty; it was getting close to lunch time, so he decided to seek out his long time friend, Derek.

Mark looked just about everywhere, before he finally reached Derek's office. He arrived just seconds too late to stop his friend.

Derek had collapsed to the floor, half of the potassium solution he had intended to inject was left forgotten near his lax body.

For a moment Mark just stood in the doorway, too stunned to move. It wasn't until he saw Derek take a shallow gasp for air.

After that everything seemed to occur in a blur; Mark was later told that the nurses had come in at a run after they had heard him screaming for help.

They worked on Derek right there in the office, administering doses of naloxone, bicarbonate, calcium, and insulin given together with dextrose solution into a second IV line. An endotracheal tube was quickly placed, and a nurse started forcing oxygen into Derek's lungs as an orderly was instructed to do chest compressions.

Mark stood back in shock, certain that he was watching his best friend die.

The code team worked at a frantic pace, they could reverse the effects of morphine and the paralytic fairly easily, but they knew that if they didn't stop the potassium chloride very quickly there would be nothing they could do.

"He's in asystole," One of the nurses called out urgently.

The resident who was running the code was quick to order that another round of meds be given. And then he asked for high dose epinephrine to be pushed.

For the briefest of moments there was a heartbeat, then it was gone.

"Okay folks, we nearly had it there. Draw up 0.5 of intracardiac epi."

That got Mark's attention. "Are we really there yet?"

"If you want him to live," The younger doctor said straightly.

"Give it to me, if that's happening I'm going to be the one doing it," Mark demanded, putting his hand out to take the syringe.

The nurse reluctantly handed Mark the syringe as he knelt down beside his friend.

Mark waited as another nurse swabbed betadine where the needle would go through Derek's chest, into his heart.

It felt impossible, but there was no way that Mark could chance having an inexperienced physician perform a risky procedure on his closest childhood friend. So, taking a breath, Mark forced himself to focus on the task at hand. He felt for the correct place to insert the needle, and then he just did it.

For a moment it seemed as though time stood still, and then there it was, a weak but stable heart rhythm.

* * *

It was the hardest call that Mark had ever had to make, to tell the woman who had practically raised him that her own son had tried to take his own life.

"Mom, it's Mark."

"Oh hello, I've been meaning to call you. I was thinking that we should set up a play date for Sophia and Zola-"

"Mom, please just listen. You need to come to the hospital... Derek, he took an overdose-"

Carolyn was instantly panicked, assuming the worst she began to panic.

"-He's alive, we got him back. He's in the intensive care unit. So, can you just call a taxi, and I'll meet you in the foyer?"

"...Have you called the girls? They need to know, can you call them?"

"Of course, I'll let them know. I'm just going to go see if I can get an update on Derek, and then I'll make the calls."

* * *

When Mark went to Derek's room he wasn't surprised to see that Derek's condition was much the same, they were keeping him on a ventilator until the drugs had time to clear out of his system.

They just had to see if he would regain consciousness. It seemed almost cruel that just months before Derek had been through a strikingly similar experience with Meredith.

Seeing him lying there, lifeless and dependent on a machine for every breath, monitors connected to his chest and scalp, there was little else to do than pray.

* * *

Mark made every effort possible to keep the truth of what Derek had done hidden from the staff, still news that the hospital's head of neurosurgery was in the ICU rapidly spread, but the exact nature of what had happened remained a mystery to many.

Derek's mother and sisters gathered together by his bedside, anxiously waiting to know whether he would pull through.

* * *

Late that night after everyone else had left, Amelia remained by her big brother's side, watching over him.

She knew all too well how to read the EEG monitor, Derek's brain was working, he could wake up at any time.

When Mark had called her, Amelia had been closing up on a surgery, another surgeon had needed to take over as she left to be by her brother's side.

In a way Amelia was furious at Derek, how dare he do this to them, to his daughters, how dare he.

But at the end of the day he was still her big brother, and it scared the hell out of her that she might lose him too.

Gently Amelia stroked Derek's hair. "Damn it, Der. Why'd you do this? You've got wake up bro, Zola and Clare need their dad." Amelia laid her head down by Derek's arm, crying softly she whispered, "I can't lose you too."

* * *

_**TBC...**_

_**Okay, so I hope you've enjoyed this chapter. The next one I post will have much more scenes of Meredith, I promise!**_

_**And as always suggestions and constructive critism are welcomed.**_

_**Thanks for reading! Please take a moment to drop me a review.**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, or the characters thereof. This is just for fun.**_

**_Enjoy!_**

* * *

**Chapter 3**

The hours that followed passed in a blur of tears for Amelia, then she felt Derek's hand shift under her head. She sat bolt upright, "Derek? Hey bro, you with me?" Amelia searched his face, seeking a response indicating that his cognition was intact.

It worried her that he didn't seem to be fighting the ventilator.

"Come on, Der. You've got to wake up for me." Amelia paused, she let herself slip back into 'doctor' mode, so that she could act sensibly. Derek's eyes were open, she needed to do a neuro exam. "Okay Derek, how about we just run through a quick neuro check?" Amelia placed her hands in her brother's, as she said, "Just squeeze my hands, bro. ...Okay, that's good. Nice and strong." She moved to the end of the bed, "Okay, now push your feet against my hands, as hard as you can, Derek." The response overall was weaker than Amelia would have liked, but that really was to be expected with the levels of paralytics in his system. She moved to check the ventilator settings; there were no signs that Derek was able to breathe on his own. Amelia moved closer to Derek, so that he could see her. "We can't take you off the vent just yet, so for now just answer my questions by blinking once for yes, twice for no. Okay?"

Derek blinked once, though the frustration showed on his face.

Tears formed in Amelia's eyes as she asked, "You remember what you did today, Derek? The overdose?"

Again Derek blinked just once; yes, he remembered, and he wished that he had succeeded.

"You nearly died, Derek. We nearly lost you. Do you have any idea what it's like to have a nurse interrupt me during surgery to inform me that my only brother tried to kill himself? Those gorgeous little girls of yours were this close to being orphans." Amelia couldn't help herself, she was furious. She didn't realize then just how deep Derek's depression ran.

* * *

It was much the same the next morning, as Mark stopped in to check on Derek after rounds.

Mark had been there, and of course he had seen that Derek was having a hard time, who could blame him after everything that had happened? But he thought that his best friend would be okay, he really thought that Derek would be fine.

Now Derek was in the ICU after a nearly fatal overdose, an overdose that Mark knew all too well had nearly taken Derek's life.

Though Mark understood that Derek must have been suffering to have done such an act, when it came down to it he didn't know what to say or how to act.

* * *

But throughout Derek's brush with death it couldn't be forgotten that his wife, Meredith continued to struggle every day to gain back her ability to perform even the most basic of tasks.

Christina, Lexie, April, even sometimes Richard would stop by the hospital, trying to help jog her memory and offer comfort. But at the end of the day it was Alex who stepped up to support his friend.

All this time, not more than a couple of days would pass between Alex's visits with Meredith; though he had returned to work on limited duties the week before Derek's overdose.

Each day that he could Alex would drive out to the centre for rehabilitation on his rebuilt shoulder, or at least that was his excuse.

Even though truthfully he could he could have done his rehab at Seattle Grace Mercy West, the responsibility that Alex felt over what had happened to Meredith, and as Derek had been forced to leave his wife's side Alex felt that the responsibility fell on him.

After all, maybe he could have done something different that would have gotten Meredith clear of the ambulance? Maybe.

Either way, Alex was determined to make the regular trip to the rehabilitation centre to spend time with Meredith, especially after Derek's suicide attempt and subsequent hospitalization.

Alex would sit for hours with Meredith, talking to her treating team, and possibly most importantly writing down the important details of Meredith's life since the accident in the hope that it will allow her to move forward one day.

Still however the first pages of the book remained blank. Alex had photos of the crash site from the investigators, but he couldn't find the words that would so permanently be in this book. The facts might be very simple, but it felt as though if he could do this right, then maybe Meredith would be able to know her children, and just maybe some he guilt that Alex felt would lift.

Even as Alex tried to find the words, he had to keep stopping to calm Meredith down, explain the situation, and have her resume the simple task she had been set to regain the strength in her hands by squeezing a stress ball.

By the time Alex was done he usually had less than five minutes before Meredith's memory failed her, and the process was started all over again.

But still he had five minutes with the friend he had known.

Alex had lost count of how many times he had looked over these photos, still it sent chills down his spine, all that had been left of the ambulance was a burnt out frame as it had exploded only seconds after they got out.

There should have been a better way, a gentler way to explain the accident, but ultimately the best way that Alex could quickly show Meredith what had happened in the accident was to stick a picture of the wreckage beside a brief paragraph, which read, "On the 11th of November, 2011 you came with me (Alex) to pick up a sick newborn from Bentley Hospital, we were on our way back to Seattle when the ambulance broke down. We were sitting in the back waiting for a replacement ambulance, when a minivan hit us."

Then Alex put down a photo taken by the police, an overall shot of Meredith's beaten, comatose body from just hours after surgery; just another part of the growing investigation into the safety of the road. Another passage accompanied this rather graphic photo. "You hit your head in the accident, it caused a tear in your middle cerebral artery and diffuse brain trauma. You were in a coma for five and a half months, you're awake now, but you can't form new memories. That's why I'm making this book. Your life has changed a lot."

The pages that followed were all about Zola and Clarissa, the hope remained in Alex's heart that one day Meredith would be able not only give Zola love, but also Clarissa, who she could not even accept was hers, even though she had tried so desperately to fall pregnant.

Alex left a couple of pages blank; he hadn't once told Meredith about Derek's suicide attempt. In his opinion it had been a cowardly act, and if anyone was to explain it, it would be Derek, if he pulled through.

But above all else Alex helped Meredith just by being there, talking to her about the world she remembered.

It seemed a small price for Alex to pay as he kept being drawn back to these growingly distant times, conversations varying between talk of what had been one of the worst nights of his life, and Meredith screaming at him that her baby had been taken away because of him.

It seemed pointless to fight her, in the time it would take to calm Meredith down, she would have forgotten what they were fighting about.

Alex would not be able to move on from the accident until Meredith could.

* * *

_**TBC...**_

_**Okay, so I hope you've enjoyed this chapter. As you can see I'm planning on bringing Meredith back into this story more (And Alex).**_

_**And as always suggestions and constructive critism are welcomed.**_

_**Thanks for reading! Please take a moment to drop me a review.**_


	4. Chapter 4

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, or the characters thereof. This is just for fun.**_

**_OMG! I am so sorry for the delay, writer's block creates madness._**

**_Enjoy!_**

* * *

**Chapter 4**

Six days after attempting to take his own life Derek was transferred from the ICU to the psychiatric services unit of Seattle Grace Mercy West.

Though his family might not have been able to see how Meredith's accident and two young children being brought into their lives had led Derek down such a dark path, within minutes of meeting Derek the chief of psychiatry, Dr Brian Fitzgerald recognized that he was suffering from a major depressive disorder, most likely due to the trauma of Meredith's sudden, devastating injury, compounded as he tried to raise their two young daughters alone, daughters that in all likelihood would never truly have a chance to know their mother or have her in their lives.

Derek was exhausted and broken.

* * *

Part of the routine in the psych department was daily sessions with a councillor; it had been five weeks now since the overdose, and the psychologist, Chris decided that Derek's family needed to attend a session, they needed to understand.

The small room was crowded as Derek's closest family and friends sat around alongside Chris and Derek. Chris began the session gently, "So, I would just like to thank you all for making yourselves available to be here. Derek and I have been talking at lengths, and I think that it will be beneficial to everyone here to discuss things, maybe take a step towards getting past this. Derek has asked that you each say what you need to, and ask any questions that you might have, he and I will do our best to answer. Carolyn, would you like to begin?"

* * *

They went around the room fairly quickly for the most part; promises of support, and apologies for not understanding were made.

Then it came time for Amelia to speak, and to her words there was no answer. "You know what, Derek.. Even if everyone else here is happy to just ignore what you did, I can't. You don't get to do this. You don't get to just lie around feeling sorry for yourself. You have a wife, and two perfect, healthy little girls, a family; you don't just get to opt out. I woke up in bed next to my fiancé's cold, dead body. I went through detox, I got my act together. Now I find out that I am pregnant with Ryan's baby. And as if this whole thing wasn't bad enough, wasn't hard enough, my baby has no brain! I am a board certified neurosurgeon, I saved your wife's life, gave her the only chance she had, and I have to give birth to a brainless baby! I could be face down in a gutter right now, hell that would suit me just fine, but I've stayed clean. So what's your excuse?"

* * *

Derek left the hospital that afternoon; what Amelia had said had hit a nerve, he had no business lying around in a psych unit while Meredith was still so unwell, while their daughters were growing up under the care of whoever could take them that night. At least that was his opinion.

Truth be told, Derek was improving, the antidepressants were helping, and everything was slowly starting to seem clearer to him.

Still, it hurt him when he arrived at the rehab centre to visit Meredith, with both of their children in tow, only to see Alex sitting on the edge of Meredith's bed, patiently taking the time to help her with the memory tasks that her therapist had suggested.

Scattered on the bed lay dozens of photos of Meredith, of the kids, even of the accident. The frustration was clear on Meredith's face as she tried to piece together memories that just didn't seem fit.

Derek knew that it should be his place at his wife's side, helping her, not Alex's.

Yes, Derek was in his own personal hell, but it was then he knew that something had to change.

* * *

_**TBC...**_

_**Okay, so I hope you've enjoyed this chapter. As requested this fic will be remaining MerDer, but I am going to keep up a strong Alex/Meredith friendship. **__**And as always suggestions and constructive critism are welcomed.**_

_**Thanks for reading! Please take a moment to drop me a review, it's cliche but they really do inspire me to write faster.**_


End file.
